Growing Pain

Last week, I felt frazzled. I was grappling with certain relationships in my life. I’ve been exploring myself creatively and it has really made me think deeply about who I am connected to and why. I frequently have pushed back from people in my life as I have realized we were aiming for different things. It never is fun or easy to leave a relationship or adjust your boundaries in a relationship. There’s a bond that has to be broken and a pattern of behavior to be left behind. It’s also a bit scary. I think to myself, “Well, what now? I’ve pushed away from almost everyone I know. Who will fill this hole or specific connection for me?” Right now, I answer myself with, “What I am doing now is creating. And I am doing activities that bring me joy to spark this creation.” And I believe in doing these things wholeheartedly, the right people will come into and stay in my life.

And I remind myself that this pain of moving away from people who no longer fit in my life is a good thing, it’s growing pain.

I’m choosing to surround myself with the best people I can. Hopefully, these will be real, live people, who are continuously evolving themselves and striving to make the world a better place. I’m also not opposed to finding my people in books and podcasts and movies. I think I’ll always have a mix of real and imagined connections. For example, I have Ina Garten as an aunt/grandmother figure in my family that I’ve created for myself.